Yearning
All day long I felt like I was fighting to move through a dream. It was like the thick fog actually made the air have weight and mass. My mind was sleepy too. Even after a double low-fat latte and two cups of black tea I was yawning and craving sleep. Daily tasks slapped me in the face more than a few times, urging me to feel anxious, but I was too tired to do more than go through the motions, solve the dilemma, give a nod to the issue and move on. Not a bad thing per se but I didn’t feel engaged for most of the day.
Now that it is approaching midnight I am wide awake with mind racing faster than I can write. Shit! I have to get up at 5:30 am. Shit! I have to be awake for physical therapy in the morning. Shit! Why am I so awake now? My hand and shoulder ache but that’s not what is keeping me up. It is a yearning. For what? Hell, I don’t know but that’s what it feels like. Craving, desire, want. But for what? Love, sex, money? How about peace, rest, quiet, fulfillment. Yes, that’s it I’m yearning for peace tonight. Oh how I want to feel its comforting embrance.
on February 3, 2006 on 1:52 pm
Did you find it, or did it find you? Hope therapy went well, I don’t suppose you could sleep through that.
on February 3, 2006 on 9:51 pm
Hmm, did I find it? Well sleep found me around 2:00 am and I actually feel rested today despite waking up at 4:30 am.
Therapy was…well…painful but I did gain some more flexibility in the elbow, wrist and shoulder so that’s good. I’m not sure that going first thing in the morning is the wisest choice.
PT: Do you want something to bite down on while I manipulate your arm?
ME: Why? Are my screams bothering you?
: )
on February 7, 2006 on 5:50 pm
That PT comment is painful to even read!